i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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