I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
