She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
