spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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