Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
