once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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