He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
