I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
