Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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