your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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