u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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