don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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