oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
