So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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