do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize