I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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