everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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