i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
