so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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