you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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