i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
