Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
