She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
