Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
