watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
