every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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