i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What a dumb baby whore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize