Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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