I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize