lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
