i dont even know how to be here
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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