If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
