But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am spending my child support on dildos
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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