Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
