it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
