3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
