ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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