Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
