Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
