I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I want a musical about memes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
