He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
