Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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