im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
