we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
