Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My ATM looks so different sober.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize