FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
