Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize