dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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