Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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