Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
