your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
