sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
