YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
