tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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