I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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