i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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