Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
