My entire life is one complicated drinking game
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
