Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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