walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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