To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
