he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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