He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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