Nicole vs. Life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
